I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
