BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize