I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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