She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
