she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
