call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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