Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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