I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
