i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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