Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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