Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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