it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize