i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
