i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
