he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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