no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
