Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
