Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
