he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
