It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
