The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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