Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
