After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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