Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
