I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
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i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is my gift to your gina
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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