Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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