why didn't you poke me back
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
