My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
