Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
