I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
