How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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