thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
