I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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