I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
