You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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