High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
