Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
