the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
