I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
