why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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