Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize