did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
