you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
