She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
