Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
