wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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