how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize