I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
