mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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