You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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