Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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