she smelled like a LAN party
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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