Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Of course I have a pirate flag
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
