Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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