I seem to have left my pride at pride
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
