If i come over, it means nothing
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
