I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got chris browned last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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