The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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