I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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