I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
